“What the hell was going on in my life?” “What had I gotten myself into?” “How was I going to deal with this mess?”
These were some of the thoughts I had as I made my way home to tell my wife of eighteen years that I was seeing another woman. The strange feeling of being two different people at the same time was overtaking me. I was losing my sense of reality.
What months earlier was an innocent conversation had turned into a full-blown affair. It was about to tear apart my marriage and family. It was also about to destroy the image I once had of myself. My proverbial clock was about to strike 12 — and I was terrified.
The life I had built, the family I had raised, the friends I’d made, and the church I’d been attending were all about to be damaged as a result of my actions.
I had an affair. It was the very thing that, only a few months earlier, I would have held others in contempt for.
The Central Question
“How did I end up doing the very thing I thought I never could?”
This was the question I needed an answer to. If I didn’t discover this, I wouldn’t ever find myself again.
This was the thing though: I did love Anne and never intended to hurt her. Yet I did completely devastate her. I wasn’t sure we could ever recover, even if she were to give me another chance. I’d never met anyone who truly recovered from an affair. Sure, they stayed together — but their lives seemed tainted by the affair forever. I knew I didn’t want to live my life that way. But I also knew that deep down I did love Anne and didn’t want to give up, quit, or start over with another woman.
The Recovery Journey
These thoughts launched my part of our recovery process. Two-and-a-half years later, we were healed.
At times it seemed as if we’d never get to the end — that we were doomed to struggle and fight forever. Yet there were times we seemed to get along better than we ever did.
I worked hard, alongside Anne, to reach the place where Anne was able to forgive me. I also worked to forgive myself. I became aware of who I really was, no longer pretending or just hoping. I became the man I was destined to become.
Then my wife decided to write a book about our story. Was I ready? How would this affect our lives? But I was healed. I was freed from the guilt and shame. My wife looked at me with love and respect. I gave her my blessing — and ever since have basked in the glow of living truthfully and helping others do the same.
Building the Work
The work we began started slowly. But each step of the way we saw real results of recovery and healing. We’d share what we did — the good and the bad, what worked and what didn’t work — and we added professional education to augment what we had discovered through our own experience.
My years working in the construction industry had taught me things I needed for healing from affairs. They helped me see the plan required to recover and make broken marriages better than ever before. Running my own construction firm taught me that if you build slowly — brick upon brick — you can expect a certain result. The building will come together, if everyone does their part.
A few years ago I retired from traditional construction to work full-time in a different type of construction industry: rebuilding marriages and relationships that have been rocked by affairs.
If you are facing the painful aftermath of an affair, we’ve walked in your shoes. We know what it takes to fix yourself, heal your marriage, and enjoy an amazing relationship with your spouse. It’s why we’ve designed the tools and programs we offer — and we look forward to hearing from you.
A Note on Common Patterns
While Brian’s infidelity experience is unique to him, the patterns of infidelity remain quite consistent. Each unfaithful spouse we work with tells us: “My experience is different because…”
- …they are good people.
- …they never meant to do this.
- …they were so hurt in their marriage.
- …they really loved their affair partner.
- …their affair was only about sex — or was not about sex at all.
- …they only had an emotional affair.
Please explore further on this site to learn more — and to gain greater understanding of what is, and perhaps what isn’t, unique about the affair in your marriage.