Healing a marriage after an affair

September 22, 2012 – Q & A on Healing a Marriage after an Affair

This tele seminar covers many aspects of healing a marriage after an affair.

Questions will include topics such as dealing with long-term affairs as well those instances when the wife had the affair.

Time alone will not heal a marriage after an affair.

Promises alone will not heal a marriage after an affair.

We all need to look at how we got here in the first place.

Brian Bercht: Recovery needs to take place for both the betrayed and for the unfaithful. The serendipity of the life I get to live to day is remarkable. The work we both did, really has paid its dividends for us, in the quality of the relationship we enjoy together today. On the other side of the affair, our eyes have been opened to something much greater than we ever could’ve imagined. I wish we could’ve gotten here some other way, but I’m not sure how that would’ve been. We’re not perfect. We still struggle with things some days, (not the affair), but we have a much better way to handle “Life.” I look forward to seeing my wife each day.

The recovery is work. There is no doubt about it. The work is relatively simple. It’s not always that easy.

Anne Bercht: Today, I have a tremendous amount of empathy for the ones who had an affair. Hypothetically, it’s not possible, but if it were, and God came down from heaven and told me, “Anne, another affair must happen in your marriage, but this time you can choose which side you want to be on.” Given what I know today, I would choose to be on the side of the betrayed.

In our healing from affairs weekend, I get to have a break out session with the unfaithful. It’s been quite an education. I have gained so much compassion for the other side. I see these broken men and women. I see how much they love their spouses, and how much they want to make their marriages work, and how hard it is. I also see their shame, their feelings of worthlessness.

If you are a person who meant your wedding vows, and now you’ve crossed a line you once thought you could never cross, it’s not just your spouse you’ve failed. You’ve failed yourself (as well as children, friends, extended family.) Every day you have to look yourself in the mirror and know you failed, and when you look at your spouse, the person you love the most in the world, you can see the see the pain in their eyes, and you know you caused it. I would not want to be in those shoes. So I’ve gained tremendous compassion for the unfaithful.

If I had to chose a side to be on today, I would choose the side of the betrayed, even though I know how incredibly painful that is too.

The above is just an introduction. To listen to this audio seminar, click on the audio link above!