Five betrayed women; Gayle, Maggie, Carrie, Jill, Michelle share their stories of recovery after their husbands affairs.
You can get though this! We’ll show you how.
Gayle is one of our Passionate Life Seminars Life Coaches, and she frequently coaches and speaks at the Take Your Life Back retreat. She has been a critical part of the development of Take Your Life Back. Gayle has successfully navigated divorce, after her husband left their 35-year marriage for a much younger woman.
Gayle: "I felt so alone when I went through my divorce, because I had been betrayed and rejected by my husband of 35 years. My prince turned out to be a frog. He left me for a 20-year old. I had such deep feelings of anger, fear and terror. There were days I wanted to quit on life. I was now facing my biggest fear, being alone. There are so many emotions to deal with. It affects your children, friends, and everyone in your life. Divorce is not an event. It’s a process. I remember thinking I can’t get through the next minute, let alone the next day. It’s a major life change that leaves you reeling. Here I had to suddenly get a career to support me, when I’d been out of the workforce for years. My grown children were acting out. There was so much to deal with all at the same time. I was in such a state of shock, that I just talked and talked and talked. This was something that happened to other people, not people like me."
"I had to start over, but the truth was I didn’t want to start over. I didn’t know what to do about it. So the question I always ask women is, “Do you really want this marriage? Or are you just hanging on because of your fear?”
Below a quote from what Gayle wrote when she was surviving her divorce:
“I guess it’s difficult for most people to understand the depth of pain that divorce causes. I am shaken, battered and bruised. Some days I feel I just cannot go on. I am like a drowning woman. I just want to survive. I have come through deep waters –betrayed, trashed. I knew we were in trouble. I was the good little Christian girl, that believes that God will come through in the end. I pray for strength to get through the next hour, the next day!”
Gayle today: "There is life after your marriage. I am testimony to that reality. Some day your marriage will just be something you did once. I am healthier, happier, and stronger than I’ve ever been. I have purpose, joy, peace and strength. God has turned the broken pieces of my life into something good. It’s not how you start out, it’s how you end up! And today, I've had the privilege of leading so many other woman to the same victory after their husbands affairs. I can help you too."
"I have been married 10 years. We just had our anniversary, and it was an anniversary with nothing to celebrate, because we are in the aftermath of the affair. What challenges me the most is the length of his affair, 2 years, even though my husband explained to me, that he only stayed that long because the other woman was threatening my husband that if he ended it, she would tell me.
"Days have been tough. I have to force myself to eat. It’s such torture, to have your life pulled out from under you basically. I never knew my husband had continued his affair after the initial disclosure. Initially he only admitted to an emotional affair. I didn’t know how to deal with affairs at the time, so I took my husbands word for it that he had ended the affair. I thought we were working on our marriage, but he made a choice to continue, even after that point of initial disclosure."
And I was very angry at the title of your book! Yet it was your organization and reaching out, that has liberated me!
"I’ve been married 14 years. I’ve been with my husband for 22 years, since I was 15. He’s the only one I’ve ever been with. At the time the affair occurred, I knew something was wrong. I knew my husband was in crisis. I was aware of his relationship with a co-worker, so I had warned him about it. It’s the lies of that I called him on it, and then he continued to lie to me and deceive me that hurt the most.
"When it was going on, I never thought it was an affair. I thought it was a friendship. But my instincts were not off. I just never thought it actually would be an affair. When I found out I was almost relieved, because it validated my gut instincts. I wasn’t going crazy. I would check his phone, but I felt guilty, because I’m not that person."
"I’ve been married for 9 years. We had been together a total of 18 years. I found out in March of 2011. I discovered it. I found out by finding some information, but I was in denial. I thought it was a joke. Since then we’ve moved cities, changed jobs, left friends and families. I had high expectations, because we changed the scenery and took some very active steps. It’s mostly been me uncovering things. I’ve been doing research. I’m hoping we’re working on our marriage, but I don’t know where we are some days."
"I’m further along. We’ve been married for 28 years, together 33 years. He was also the first person I’ve been with in a serious relatonship. I found out about one of his affairs in August 2011. I found out because the husband, of my husband’s affair partner, came to my front door and told me. It had happened 18 years earlier and I knew nothing, so it came as a huge shock.
"A year later, I found out that he had also had an emotional affair that had lasted 4 years. So that only stopped in August 2011. That was a huge setback for me, because just when I thought I had all the story, and then I found out about this further affair. Trickle truth as it is called, really made healing hard. I isolated myself. That made it harder. I encourage others to surround yourself with support and that’s one thing Take Your Life Back will do. I also hid it from my family, and that wasn’t great for me. My healing was slowed down because I just couldn’t get it out, even though my husband was remorseful and changing, he could not be the person for me to tell my story to. I needed another pair of ears."
Find out how each woman moved forward to healing from here by clicking on the audio link above.