How do you respect yourself for staying?

February 16, 2010 – Healing from Affairs – Q & A Session

Questions addressed in this teleseminar include:

  • How do you respect yourself for staying?
  • How do you deal with repeat affairs and broken promises?
  • My spouse left their affair partner and moved back home. How come I don’t feel better?
  • We are not dealing with our underlying issues. How do we get this turned around?
  • Does your spouse think of their affair partner, while having sex with you?
  • What do I do when my spouse says I just need to choose to “get over it?”
  • My spouse ended their affair and promised it will never happen again. Why do I still hurt?
  • Are lie detectors a good idea?
  • Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater?

How do you respect yourself for staying? I didn’t do anything wrong, but I’m in this awful decision period, even 2 years out.

Staying is not a journey for whimps. It is not a journey for the weak, but rather a journey for the strong. Most betrayed spouses are sure they will “kick that sorry loser out” before it happens to them. It is a deal-breaker. Then when it happens to them, they find themselves reacting exactly opposite to they were sure they would react before it happened to them.

If you truly love your spouse before the affair, you don’t just suddenly stop loving them after. You’re stuck, because you love them, but you hate what they did to you. You have to dig deep down into the depth of your character to stay. Staying in the marriage is not being a doormat. It’s not allowing our spouse to continue to mistreat you. If your spouse mans up or womans up and engages in their own personal growth work, as well as giving you what you need to heal and rebuild trust, you have the potential to have a better marriage than ever before on the other side of this – a better marriage than most people who have not experienced affairs in their marriage, because of the openness and honesty you will develop in your relationship as a result of this tragedy.