Affairs devastate husbands and wives, they destroy families and the lives of children and they weaken our nation. There is an evil person in our country who has earned millions of dollars destroying families. His business sports billboards with the slogan “Life is short. Have an affair.” I am dying to create a countering ad campaign with slogans like, “Life is short. Leave a legacy.” “Life is short. Be your wife’s hero.” Or “Life is short. Having an affair will ruin yours.” Or “Having an affair is like trying to keep warm on a cold day by peeing in your pants.” Why do affairs happen and what can you do to prevent it?
Everyone knows they don’t want to be betrayed, that it would be really bad. What only those you have been there grasp just how bad, bad is. You know it would be bad and you think it will never happen to you. Statistics are all over the place when it comes to the question, “What percentage of marriages are affected by affairs?” And no research projects are more wrought with lies than infidelity stats. According to Scott Haltzman in his book The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity, 28-43% of marriages are affected. So in your neighborhood that’s about every third house. So if it isn’t your house, it will be your neighbors, either to the right or the left.
Problems in marriages are not the root causes of affairs and as long as we point our finger of blame on the wrong thing, our problem will continue to grow. It’s like treating malnutrition with diet soda. How many of you want to know the real reason for infidelity and betrayal?
I’m Anne Bercht, author of My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me, Director of BAN (the Beyond Affairs Network) and co-founder of Passionate Life Seminars. Over the past 14 years, I’ve helped thousands of people do the impossible…recover from betrayal. I’m going to show you that affairs happen because of unmet needs. I’m also going to show you that affairs do NOT happen because of unmet needs. For every marriage with problems where there has been an affair, I can show you another marriage with worse problems, where there has not been an affair. So it is not cause and effect. Oh I don’t deny that marriages with problems are more vulnerable to affairs than happy marriages, but affairs happen in good marriages too.
I remember supporting a woman whose husband had had an affair, every 5 years of their 30 year marriage. And every 5 years of their 30 year marriage, they went for marital therapy and in therapy they always discovered what the faithful wife was doing wrong and who she wasn’t meeting her husband’s needs. 5 years into the marriage she wasn’t fit enough, so she joined a gym , got on a healthier eating plan and worked on being fit and sexy. Then 10 years into the marriage, according to their therapist he had an affair because she was giving too much attention to the children and her husband felt neglected. So she paid more attention to him and then 15 years into the marriage it turns out her husband had an affairs because she wasn’t experimental enough in the bedroom...click on the link above to hear the rest of Anne's talk...