General Affair Recovery Q & A Session

June 3, 2010 – General Affair Recovery Q & A Session

  • What if you’re trying to heal your marriage, but the affair is still going on?
  • How do you give a proper ultimatum?
  • What if the betrayed spouse wants a divorce, and the unfaithful spouse doesn’t?
  • What if the unfaithful person is doing all the right things to heal the marriage, and the betrayed spouse is not?
  • How could he/she love me, and still do this to me?
  • What is the longest affair you’ve dealt with?
  • Dealing with the anniversary of discovery?
  • How do I get past the fear that my unfaithful spouse will hurt me again?

Question: My wife is having an affair, what should I do? I’ve known about the affair since October. We’ve spent a fortune already on counselling. I know I need enough money for time out with my wife. The affair is continuing through texts and emails. The only saving grace is that we now live in Texas and the affair partner is in Ohio.

Anne Bercht: You cannot even begin healing from an affair before the affair is ended. Any emails, any contact at all in any way is unacceptable. No smoke signals sent into the sky. No branding a fish with a message on it, and throwing it into the ocean, hoping the affair partner finds it.

It’s not very helpful when we are trying to change our spouse, because we can’t change our spouse. Really it’s about being empowered in ourselves, and getting a clear grip on what’s healthy and what’s not healthy.

There are many reasons why people sometimes don’t feel comfortable with tough love. Generally speaking, giving a person time to end their affair doesn’t work.

What will you do if your spouse doesn’t give up contact with the affair partner?

It may take an ultimatum.

Click on the audio link above to find out how to do this well, and lots of other affair recovery information.