The word focus means the concentration of attention or energy on something. Based on the definition and life experiences, whatever you focus on will get bigger. Charles Dickens said “Reflect upon your blessings, of which every man has plenty, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” That is just another way of saying what you focus on, you will get. Whatever you focus on expands.
Wherever you’re at in your recovery journey from your partner’s infidelity, you are focusing on something. You may be focusing on the pain, the hurt, the disappointment, or the betrayal. There is a time in the healing journey when you need to focus on and deal with all the negative stuff. But once we’ve gone through the stages: the denial, the bargaining, the anger, the sadness, and the grief, there comes a new season when it becomes time to choose to focus on positive things.
Focus on what you do have and then look at letting-go, moving-on, forgiveness, healing and possibly reconciling with the person who betrayed you. Consistently ask yourself the question, “Am I going to get bitter or better?”
We are where we are in life because of OUR thoughts. You might say, “How can I focus on positive stuff when all I have in my life is negative stuff?” By making a choice to create a new habit and find something positive to focus on.
This is a gift we give ourselves, which benefits those around us as well. Whatever you focus on expands. You may feel like you have nothing positive to focus on. Then choose to focus on good things you want to happen in the future! Focus on those until they come to pass!
Bill Meyer said, “Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don’t count on harvesting Golden Delicious apples.” What you focus on becomes bigger and what you focus on is what you get. If you are crabby, bitter, mean, you will see those results. If you plant something positive and focus on that, you will see those positive results.
What are you focusing on in your journey? Are you focused on being mad? Being right? Getting revenge? Hurting others the way that you have been hurt? Or are you focused on healing? Letting go? Forgiving and trying to forget? Helping others? Turning something bad and awful into something good and great? You can turn your “tests” into your victories!
Where you focus is your choice. What will you focus on today? The struggle and pain? Or your personal growth, and the life you want on the other side?
“I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we choose to react to it.” – Chuck Swindoll
“You can’t have a victory without having a battle.” - unknown
- Tammie – Frisco TX BAN Coordinator, BAN Administrator & PL Coach
For more information on this topic click here to read an article by Anne Bercht
©Copyright 2005 Anne and Brian Bercht. All rights reserved.