What I accomplished in the year following D-day
This was written and sent to me by a betrayed spouse who reads this website. I thought it was inspiring. With permission I'm sharing it with you! - Anne Bercht
I’ve come a long way over the past year. It’s hard to remember all the areas where I’ve grown and matured. For my own assessment, I needed to jot down my progress and accomplishments about what I accomplished in the year following D-day, the day that I discovered that my husband had been cheating.
Starting the end of May 2010, I discovered my husband had a 2 ½ year affair. I kicked him out of the house for 8 weeks. Because he came home after work to “tuck the kids in” then leave for the night, my 3 kids never knew about any of it.
I got STD tested, I started making half pots of coffee, I let the dog sleep with me and I’ve cried harder than I ever thought possible.
I learned how to put an outdoor fire pit together, find an individual counselor that was in my network, replace a furnace filter, pay bills, and file taxes. I emailed and phoned the “other woman” even though she never responded. I visited a divorce lawyer, a career development counselor and even took 3 college classes. I called our handyman and as I got my locks changed, I called his friend who was the first person I talked to that has been in my situation. She told me about her life being divorced for 10 years.
I’ve visited my husband’s individual therapist. I’ve been on 3 anti-depressants with some sleeping pills and anti-anxiety medicines in between. I completed my first triathlon, half-marathon and marathon. I’ve visited my husband’s office and made eye contact with the other woman.
I hadn’t read a book in over 5 years, yet I’ve read “After the Affair” “Torn Asunder” “Not Just Friends” “Back From Betrayal: Recovering from the Trauma of Infidelity” “Love Languages” “My Husband’s Affair was the Best Thing that Ever Happened to Me” “Getting Up When Life Knocks You Down: Five Steps to Overcoming a Life Crisis” “Love & Respect” and “Finding Forgiveness: A 7-Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness
I realized I outgrew my individual counselor then found a psychiatrist and marriage therapist. I brought my husband to get a vasectomy, put the house under my name and got a new diamond ring to replace my wedding ring.
We’ve attended the church group “Healing Path for Marriage”. We’ve gone to couples and individual therapy almost weekly. I learned how to book a flight and travel by myself. I found a network that finally offered me the opportunities to talk openly with others, in my same situation, about our “hidden secret” that society has forced us to carry. I’ve attended “Take Your Life Back” and “Healing from Affairs” weekend retreats.
I’ve gotten my nails done, received massages, planned an individual vacation and treated myself to jeans that were way too expensive because I realize I’m worth it.
During the year after I discovered my husband had been cheating, I’ve learned to understand that affairs can happen in good marriages and I know my husband never meant to hurt me. I’ve learned I’m a much stronger person than I ever thought possible. I’ve learned that there is much more to learn in life. I want to learn how to forgive fully. I want my kids to truly feel the love my husband and I have for each other. I want to write my hurts in the sand and carve my blessings in stone. Looks like the worst year of my life brought out the best in me.
PS - Susan shares her experience at the Take Your Life Back retreat on our May 11, 2011 teleseminar.
PSS - Don't hesitate to contact us for help. We've spent the last 10 years doing what others have called "impossible." We can help you achieve "impossible" too!
Our contact information is at the bottom of this page!
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