As long as we live our lives circumstantially, reacting to the latest thing that happens, we find ourselves uncertain what to do next, and making a pile of mistakes. The key is to learn the principles, and apply the principle to the situation.


Principle # 1 – There is hope for you!

For most (not all), there is hope for your marriage too.

In life if you want something difficult, you’re going to first need to get motivated. To do this you need to have hope. Without hope, you won’t have the motivation to do the right things. You need to believe that it’s possible to not only heal a marriage after an affair, but to have an even stronger marriage on the other side. You need to believe in yourself that you can succeed, and you can.

“The only thing that stands between a man and his dreams is the belief that it is possible, and the will to try.” – Rich DeVos


Principle #2 – There are no guarantees in love. When it comes to affairs, some marriages are salvageable and some aren’t.

When it comes to affair recovery there are no guarantees, but then what kind of man or woman are you? One who will only do the right thing if there is a guaranteed reward? (It’s what you do when no one is watching that defines your true character.) There is actually a guaranteed reward, just not always the one you are expecting.

But these rewards don’t come to people who give up too easily.


Principle #3 – When you try to cling to something (like your marriage or your spouse), it will tend to elude you. When you let go, you’ll save it … if there was hope of it being saved.

The more you try to hold on to your spouse and your marriage, the more desperate and needy you often become. Neediness is not attractive. This is why you need to focus on your own personal growth. Be careful that you have not made your marriage into your idol, or your spouse into your idol.


Principle #3 – Do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do.

If you become the man or woman you need to be, you will experience true love, the respect of your children, and a satisfying life.

You can use most any measure
When you’re speaking of success
You can measure it in fancy home,
Expensive car or dress.
But the measure of your real success
Is the one you cannot spend.
It’s the way your kids describe you
When they’re talking to a friend.

– Martin Buxbaum

Don’t live your life with feelings as your leader, because your feelings lie to you.


Principle #4 – Remember you always have choices.

And frequently in life you will find yourself at a fork in the road, and it goes like this: There is a road that appears difficult (doing the right thing), which actually is the easy road. And there is a road that appears easy (selfishness and instant gratification), which then becomes the hard road.


Principle #5 – Your pride and ego will be your downfall. But humility will lead you to honor.

You can’t do it alone. No man is an island. Be man enough or woman enough to reach out for help when you need it. And to succeed you are going to need some good friends in your life, and mentors. People who are already succeeding in life in the areas that you want to succeed.


Principle #6 – You become like the company you keep.

Hang around with people who are not happy in their marriages and who do not love their spouses and you’ll find yourself becoming like them.


Principle #7 – Success takes consistent effort, but it’s a whole lot easier than failing.


Principle #8 – Integrity is hard … that’s why so many people don’t have it!

You have got to tell the truth. And do what you say you’re going to do. The road to failure is paved with good intentions.


Principle #9 – Both he who says he can, and he who says he can’t are right.

Watch what you say, and start to speak what you want, not what you don’t want.


Principle #10 – Don’t be stuck in the past.

In the past, your spouse may not have done the right things, but everyone has the power to change themselves if they chose to. If you focus on changing yourself for the better, there is a good chance your spouse will respond positively. Believe me … if you’ve had an affair, you’ve got your spouse’s attention. Positive changes made in the affair recovery process stick.

For the next affair recovery steps, click here