May 11, 2011 - wisdom for betrayed spouses - We discuss the Take Your Life Back retreat and 4 recent participants share their stories, and what has helped them to move forward in healing. One of our best teleseminars!
This tele seminar address the personal part of healing after your spouse has had an affair - not reconciling a marriage, which is a different part of healing. If you choose to heal your marriage both the personal healing and the restoration of the marriage healing needs to take place, but they are two different things.
Anne Bercht: I want to let everyone know that the focus of this audio seminar is the personal part of healing that we as betrayed spouses go through, whether we choose to stay in the marriage or go. When I was on my own healing journey and my husband used to say to me, “I’m sorry I made a mistake.” The fight was on, because “mistake” seemed too small of a word for something as big as an affair. I prefer to call it a crime.
Let me explain. If you were a victim of another crime such as a rape, it’s not likely that you would desire a relationship with the rapist. It’s not likely that the rapist would be remorseful, or that the rapist would apologize. Yet their actions have caused you tremendous emotional damage. The work of healing belongs to you as the betrayed spouse, because no one else can get into your head, and that’s where the struggle is. It’s not fair, but it’s reality.
If your marriage doesn’t heal, it may not be about you. You can do everything right, and still have your marriage not heal.
Unless your spouse decides to man up (or woman up) and do the right thing, change, engage the personal growth journey, answer your questions, its very difficult to heal. While taking responsibility for yourself and being willing to grow and change, (to be compassionate, and curb yourself from mean responses), is important to create and environment for truth and healing, the fact of the matter is, that you as the betrayed spouse can do everything right, and if your spouse is unwilling they still won't change. You can't make them change. You don't have control over their decisions.
I designed Take Your Life Back for people going through divorce. It covers the personal part of healing for the betrayed. For those who heal their marriages they need both the personal healing of their broken heart from Take Your Life Back, and the Healing from Affairs reconciliation of the relationship.
To hear from attendees and coaches, and get a full idea of what you can expect, plus lots of insights for healing as a betrayed spouse, even if you never attend Take Your Life Back, start listening to the audio recording above now!