What do you do when your husband’s affair partner is pregnant? – Here is a biblical example child from an affair
The post was contributed by a BAN coordinator.
I was in a similar situation with my husband and his affair partner (AP). I am a Christian and I used the Bible as my guideline for how to handle the situation. I used the story of Sarah and Hagar to develop my attitude and rules for how my husband could deal with the other women and her children.
In the story of Sarah and Hagar when Hagar started trying to elevate herself, Abraham told Sarah that Hagar and Hagar's treatment was in the hands of Sarah. Even though the child was Abraham's, he recognized the fact that married people belong to each other and what was Abraham's, belonged to Sarah and what was Sarah's belonged to Abraham. Hence, the reason for him passing the authority for Hagar over to Sarah. It does not mention ANYTHING about the child's rights.
Because of that, I made the decision that if my husband wanted to stay in the marriage, he could not have ANY contact with the AP and her children. We asked a friend of the family to be the mediator so that if a crisis occurred with the children, there would be some way to be reached.
Since that time I have revised my position somewhat. In the story of Sarah and Hagar, Hagar was a slave. Because of that fact, she had no choice in being a part of the love triangle. In that situation, Abraham still puts the authority in Sarah's hands. What if Hagar had not been a slave, but a self invited interloper? Would the judgment be less biased towards Sarah? I don't think so.
Think of it this way. If I put up a NO TRESPASSING sign on my property (marriages automatically have that understanding) and someone comes on to my property, even if someone left the gate open (i.e. husband's response), that person still has no right to invite themselves onto my property. If while on my property they have an accident, why would I have a responsibility to pay them for their decision to invade my property?
These other women who invade marriages have NO RIGHTS. Biblically, they curse their own children by their actions. I feel bad for the children, however, these women have put these children in the position of paying for the mother's sins. Why does the faithful wife have a responsibility to care more for the AP's child than the AP cared for her own child?
Having said all that, I realize that ultimately, how I feel about and treat the AP and her children is truly a matter between me and God. It reveals my heart issues and that is an ongoing process for me. However, in the early stage of discovery, it gave me a lot of peace to realize that I and by extension, my husband, had NO OBLIGATION to the AP or her children.
Sometimes we, God's people, let people and society tell us what is right. God's Word is right, no matter how we feel about it, or what other people say to the contrary.
- C.T., Nashville, Tennessee
Additional perspective to this Christian perspective on affairs: A marriage is a promise. Children born to a married couple are born into a promise. Children born outside the marriage are born outside of the promise. What’s interesting is God blesses both children. While one is born into the promise, and the other (biblically) does not partake in that promise, God does not neglect the child outside the promise. God blesses both the child and the mother, even though neither participates in the promise of the marriage.