A New Year – Secrets of Success

“The only thing that stands between a person and what they want from life is merely the will to try it and the faith to believe it is possible.”

– Richard M. DeVos

1969 – I was a dejected and awkward second grade student without friends who suffered constant ridicule. I thought I was less than other people.

1979/80 – My poor self-esteem continued to grow as I often felt used by boys I thought loved me.

1981 – I got married.

1988 – I came to the realization that I was not less than anyone else, that every person has unique gifts and talents meant to add value to the lives of others. I discovered that God wanted me to have a great life. I started to dream.

1989 – I took a course on management and setting life goals …. And when it was over I actually started doing what they taught.

1993 – Together with my husband I failed in a business.

1998 – Another business dream didn’t pan out.

2000 – My husband had an affair, and all my dreams were shattered. There seemed to be no hope at all for my life.

2005 – We begin appearing in media across the globe including the Oprah Winfrey Show.

2006 – I’m living my best life, realizing my dreams and couldn’t be happier.

2007 - 2016 - More successes than I can even list, and life is fun. I feel unstoppable.

2018 - I feel fulfilled. I am living on purpose. My marriage is strong. I have many wonderful quality friendships. Tough problems don't sink me.

What are the keys to success?

I am not smarter, more talented or luckier than anyone else. I didn’t grow up with the right contacts or the right anything else (well okay I lived in some of the best countries in the world – that was my lucky break), but I have learned some principles of success. Since 1981 I have been actively working on improving my life. And since 1989, I have been studying success principles. I’m telling you the stuff they write in those books works. There are many great success books out there. The bottom line is you can live the life you want to live. You can live your life by design. You can live out your God-given destiny.

Here are some keys to moving from failure to success:

1. Dream. You cannot reach a destination you don’t have. You need to develop the skill of dreaming. Think outside the box. Start to think of possibilities instead of thinking about what won’t work. And don’t believe the masses, unless the masses are living the life you want. I’ve spent the last 15 years accomplishing what others have told me was impossible. I did it anyway.

True Story: Once, quite a long time ago, a man took his best friend to some barren fields in California and told him, “You need to buy this land, because one day soon it’s going to be worth a lot of money.” His friend couldn’t really see it and declined. That land today is the land directly across from Disneyland where the most expensive hotels are situated. The man was Walt Disney. His friend was Art Linkletter. You see before the plans were drawn up, before any construction began, Walt could see all of Disneyland in his head. Walt Disney said “If you can dream it, you can do it – don’t forget this whole thing started with a mouse!”

2. Believe. Once you have dreamed the life you want, you have to believe in it. You have to believe it is possible. You have to believe it is right for you to achieve it. It has to be congruent with your values.

I remember thinking once, if I had the mind of a millionaire, I would become one in a very short time. Take someone extremely wealthy like Bill Gates. What if some catastrophe happened in his finances and he lost everything? It’s actually possible. Don’t make the mistake of believing wealth and riches are automatically security. Even the mightiest have fallen … at times. But if Bill did lose everything, I’d give him 2 years if not a lot less and he would be right back at the top. Why? Because he thinks differently about money.

“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” – The Bible

“Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.” – The Bible

If we change or “inner life” (our thinking), our “outer life” (our circumstances) will begin to change also. This also applies to our relationships. We think we need to change our spouse, but the secret is we need to change ourselves.

In order to change our lives we have to first learn how to renew our thinking.

3. Other people - a team. – In order to be successful you need other people to help you. No person is a Lone Ranger. We all need others. The world is designed this way.

Think of a Hollywood movie. Have you ever stopped to watch the credits scrolling along the screen after it’s over? They go on and on and on. It’s unbelievable how many people have to do their jobs excellently in order to create 90 minutes of breathtaking entertainment. Imagine someone saying, “I’m going to make a great Hollywood picture alone!” It ain’t gonna happen!

It’s human nature to want to go it alone. This was one of the biggest obstacles, I had to personally overcome. Because of the way I was raised, I had learned to do things by myself. In my early years when I wanted to accomplish something, I always did it alone. I can do it myself, I thought. And I accomplished quite a bit this way. What I didn’t realize though was that I was cutting myself off from 95% of my potential success by not working with others, by not networking and telling people about what I was doing.

“Two working together can accomplish more than twice as much as one working alone, and a three stranded cord is not easily broken.” – The Bible

When we pool our talents with the talents of others there is a synergy that takes place, and everyone wins.

4. Ask. “You have not because you ask not, ask and you shall receive that your joy may be full.” – The Bible again (there’s a lot of good stuff in that book – no wonder it’s the worlds all time bestseller!)

There are lots of people and organizations who will gladly help us if we are willing to give up our pride and our fear and just ask. Come on. Take a risk!

I’ve many times been afraid to ask someone for help, but 9 times out of 10 I get a yes, when I just ask. If you start moving ahead in positive directions people want to help you. So what about the “no’s”!

5. Understand that failure is part of success. (Even in relationships.) Don’t be afraid to fail. Look at my story. It’s part of the journey. In fact your failures can provide you with invaluable learning experiences.

There once was a man who held a senior position in a major corporation, who made a decision and took action that ended up costing the company millions of dollars. He (and everyone else) assumed he would be fired for this HUGE failure. Instead the company president said “no way, I’m not going to lose this man now. He’ll be invaluable to me. I just spent x million dollars educating him! He’ll never make a mistake like that again.”

The only real failure is failing to take any action, because you are afraid you might fail!

6. Give. Giving is part of success. Give 10% of your finances to charities you believe in, but don’t stop there. Give of your time and your talents also. Successful people know that the more you give away, the more you have. I dare you to test this principle. However slight warning. This is not the lottery. The universe will reward you in due time in the most unexpected ways, but here’s the catch, if you give expecting the reward it doesn’t work. Just give, because you want to. It’s an attitude.

A lot of the current success I’m having I believe comes from helping a woman through infidelity whose situation was so dire, most people would’ve just walked by. Instead of judging her, I just spent some time with her and did my best. Later (astonishingly), this woman who had next to nothing, linked me to my first significant media contact. There is a real lesson here.

7. Don’t judge others. You’ve have not walked in their shoes. You don’t know the whole story. If you judge others, others will judge you. Be careful if you think you are better than everyone else. You’d be surprised who your blessings might come through, and when the shoe might be on the other foot.

8. Educate yourself. Knowledge is power. What you don’t know does hurt you!

“My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.” Hosea 4:6 – The Bible again!

Leaders are readers. The difference between the person you are today, and the person you will be 5 years from now depends largely on the books you read and the people you associate with. Even if you don’t have a university education, you can always learn by reading and attending seminars and workshops on an ongoing basis. Never stop learning. (This is also a key to longevity – keeping your mind active.)

My father died at the age of 91. Even into his 80’s, his mind was sharp as a whip, but then he never stopped working as a scientist. His research and learning continued as long as he was able. (People stopped paying him, but he never seemed to notice.) Now there’s a man who lived his destiny and his passion. You know you're living your passion when you keep doing the same stuff, even when no one pays you.

A New Year - Secrets of Success

©Copyright 2005 Anne and Brian Bercht. All rights reserved.

For information about confidential coaching with Brian or Anne click here

Email your questions or comments to Brian and/or Anne info@beyondaffairs.com

We care about every person who contacts us and will do our best to respond personally to you.

ZsaZsa, Katie, and Sandy

Hear the candid, real, true life stories of 3 different women, ZsaZsa, Katie, and Sandy, and how they navigated the devastating aftermath of the unthinkable - their husband's infidelity! Learn from their mistakes, as well as their successes, so your journey to healing can be smoother, smarter and faster.

On December 26, 2016 ZsaZsa's world fell apart, when her husband came home bent on the "D" word - Divorce! After attending Take Your Life Back her marriage made a U-turn, and started heading for healing and reconciliation instead.

Katie, a strong Christian woman, had been married for 27 years, when she found herself facing her husbands second affair. The first time she had taken the blame, and then they tried to sweep it under the rug. That didn't work. Now 13 years later, she was in this devastating place again. Her husband was willing to meet all of her requirements, except ending the affair!!!

From Katie's story you can learn why so many betrayed women fail when they give their spouse's ultimatums - it's about when and how you do it. Through Katie's sharing we also come to understand what goes wrong for so many Christians, when it comes to navigating the complicated and often chaotic aftermath of an affair in a marriage. And there is so much more to learn from the many ups and downs that Katie faced.

Sandy, who had known her husband since she was 18, shares her honest struggle to finally accept that no matter how much she did, her husband was not willing to do his part. How do you get your happiness back after divorce? And what can you do to discover, is there hope for your marriage or not?

Listen now:

Barbara, Jennifer and Saari

Three betrayed women, Barbara, Jennifer and Saari share their personal in-progress stories healing after discovering their husband's affair/s. What worked and what didn't. Great advice in this podcast. Listen Now! by clicking on the link below.

Barbara was in her second marriage (her first marriage also ended because of her husband's adultery), and this was her husband's second bout with infidelity, when Take Your Life Back changed her life forever. D-day was January 1, 2017. She says her husband was always restless, kind of half in the marriage and half out. At D-day, he left saying, "you're crazy." In reality it was him, who had lost his mind. Some very dark days followed. Expedite your own healing by learning from Barbara's gut honest sharing.

Saari had been married for 30+ years when she discovered that her husband had been unfaithful 4 years prior. Not knowing, Saari had been denied a voice and her choice, which led to a lot of justified resentment. Her husband's affair partner was now deceased, so any kind of closure through a meeting was no longer possible. Saari is a smart, sharp and wise woman. You will learn so much for your own journey as she articulates so well great wisdom and advice for all.

Jennifer had been married for 18 years when she found out about her husbands 6 month affair with a co-worker. Her husband was forced to tell her, because the other woman and her husband told him, that if he didn't one of them would. Jennifer describes the shock and the trauma so well. "Let yourself fall apart," she says. You don't have to keep up appearances. From chaos to clarity. Find out how she did it!

The Story You Tell Yourself by Anne Bercht – August 2, 2017

Seventeen years ago (May 15, 2000) I walked through what was (up until just recently), the darkest time of my life. Like a caterpillar goes into a dark cocoon (for what seems like forever at the time), so I seemed to be surrounded in unrelenting darkness, wondering if it was even sane to believe I would ever know another day of happiness in my life.

It took 2.5 years, 2 seminars, 1.5 years of counseling, a stack of books, hundreds of hours of conversation with my husband, and determination, but I can honestly say, that I emerged on the other side of the darkness like an unstoppable butterfly, afraid of nothing, free to be myself, and free to really love.

Once healed, together with my husband, we looked back on the journey and wondered, what is wrong with the world? This is such a common problem and no one is addressing it head on. So we added education to our personal experience, wrote a gut honest book about the journey, and started assisting others through affair recovery, whether reconciling or divorcing, whether the wife had the affair, or the husband did.

I am so glad I didn’t give up on life back then (even though I felt like it), because since then I’ve known some of the most pleasurable moments life offers. I’ve known much love, laughter, and heart-to-heart connection, with my husband, children, and many wonderful friends, both old and new. I’ve experienced the sheer joy of being an involved grandmother. I’ve travelled much of the world, built and decorated a beautiful new home, stood on the top of mountains, met Oprah Winfrey, gone snorkeling, scuba diving, zip lining, white water rafting, and horseback riding. I’ve watched my book become a best seller, received a prestigious award among other marriage experts for running one of the programs having the greatest impact in saving families in America, and I’ve experienced the thrill of addressing large audiences.

I’ve also encountered unbelievable setbacks, betrayals in business and in friendships. My heart has at times sored, and at other times been broken. I’ve experienced prosperity and I’ve experienced financial troubles. I’ve been loved, and I’ve been hated. I’ve been praised and I’ve been criticized. I’ve been tested, I’ve rested and I’ve nested. Doors have opened and doors have closed.

One of my greatest joys has been you. Yes, you! Not your pain … but being a part of helping you move beyond your pain to get the life you want. The victories of those I’ve been privileged to walk alongside have been my victories too.

After all, life is short and there are no do-overs, so it’s important to live it well. When we fall down, we simply get back up. That’s the only thing that separates the winners from the losers in this life. The truth is winners lose far more than losers lose, because the winners are out there doing something.

As in the sport of boxing … “A survivor is a person, who when knocked down, somehow knows to stay down until the count of nine and then get up differently. The non-survivor gets up right away and then gets hit again.” – Joy Joffe

We are talking about the grieving part of the affair recovery journey, because whether you lose your marriage, or you lose only the innocence of your marriage (turns out you did not have the marriage you thought you had), or if you are the unfaithful partner, perhaps you are grappling with a loss of respect (including loss of self-respect), and/or loss of your reputation, we all are grieving the loss of our dreams, how we thought our lives should’ve been – how it should’ve turned out.

So we go through stages of grief: shock, sorrow, craziness, heroism, anger, denial, and hopefully, in the end acceptance. In affair recovery these “stages” may not go in any particular order, and we can cycle through any of them in any order many times, sometimes all in the same day, especially in the beginning.

Knowing how to grieve DOES make a big difference. Make every effort to get your sleep and to eat, and say “yes” to help – the right help.

It’s important to give yourself room to be sad and angry – just make sure you don’t hurt anyone (including yourself), don’t damage property and don’t do anything you may later regret. But it is definitely okay to simply say, “I am so angry!”

In the long run, your recovery will depend a lot on the narrative you tell yourself about all that has happened.

In the beginning you might say things like …

“There must be something wrong with me.”

“He/She deliberately did this to me.”

“I can never recover.”

“I can never forgive.”

“She/he will never be able to get over it.”

“There is a black spot on our marriage, that can never go away.”

While these narratives are understandable, they keep us unhappy and stuck. Some better narratives (for example) might be:

“Everyone experiences hardship, injustice, trials and tragedy’s in life. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Affairs are part of a bigger picture of the sickness of our culture today. What matters is not so much what has happened to me, but rather how I choose to respond to it. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever faced, but I am not staying down. Somehow, someway, I will find a way through this.”

“I can hold my head up high, because I am a woman/man of integrity and dignity. I am not defined by what someone else does, but rather what I do … and right now, I am clearly being tested.”

“I have failed, but I am not a failure. I will face my failure with courage, and I will do what is within my power to make things right, to learn and to grow, and to be a better person on the other side of this.”

“My mess is going to be a message.”

“No one but me has the keys to my soul. Someone may have wronged me or hurt me, and they may never give me what I need to heal, but if I stay down, that’s on me, not them.”

“He/she didn’t do this to me. They weren’t thinking about me at all. That’s exactly the problem. If they had been thinking, they would’ve made different choices. He/she acted selfishly, and my hurt is a byproduct of that selfishness.”

“I will look for what is good in my situation, what my spouse might be doing right, rather than what they are doing wrong.”

"I take responsibility for me, for what I do - not for what others do."

“I am a smart person. I am going to learn what is healthy and not healthy in relationships. I will not allow myself to be mistreated.”

“I may be afraid, but that’s okay. I will do the right thing anyway. I will act in spite of my fear.”

“A great evil tried to destroy us, but our love was stronger than that. We conquered it! We win!!!”

What matters the most in life are not the big moments we’d expect, but rather the hidden moments that we think no one sees – how we treat a stranger, a child, or an enemy. Who will we be in the face of injustice and suffering? Will we repay evil for evil, or will we do good?

There is far too much hate in this world. That should be obvious. And never are we more likely ourselves to hurt people than when we ourselves are hurt. As the saying goes, hurt people hurt people. The real winners are those who love, and sometimes that’s tough love.

Such perspectives can give you the power to face life’s losses, as well as your failures, in a way where you allow the pain to grow you, rather than sink you.

What if your life is a story, still being written, and you get to live each chapter. While you are in one chapter, you think it’s the only chapter and you will always live there. Then one day, sometimes suddenly and without warning, a chapter ends. And in your story, once a chapter ends, you can never go back?

But the ending of that chapter, is not the ending of the book, but rather the beginning of a new chapter and that chapter is largely determined by how you choose to respond the betrayal, the loss and the disappointment you face now. Your ending is yet unwritten.

Why has it been so long since you received a newsletter? What did I mean darkest time until just recently? On May 13, 2017 our precious son died tragically at the age of 31. We are grieving well, and in many ways, now again, get to “practice what we preach,” because while it is a different kind of loss, and different grief, there are also many parallels. Yes, it’s hard. But knowing how to grieve helps.

Having done the work of healing our marriage seventeen years ago, has given us a priceless gift and strength for today. In the face of such tragedy, how wonderful to cry together, and to hold each other, and to know that it is OUR son we lost.

In the face of our tragedy, we find ourselves growing stronger (not weaker) in our resolve and purpose and love for others. We look forward to helping you also move beyond your pain and get the life you want!

We look forward to hearing from you...please contact us as info@beyondaffairs.com or call us at 360-306-3367...we are here for you.

Believing the best - Anne

Healing from Affairs Success Story-Greg & Krista

June 9, 2017 - Greg and Krista share their Healing From Affairs Seminar success story (we apologize for some technical difficulties about 10 minutes into this teleseminar, but we felt the information this couple shared was important to share with you to encourage you in your own healing journey)

We are always excited when a couple wants to share how working with us, through coaching which we do over the phone or via Skype, which allows us to have clients all over the world, and attending our seminars, Healing from Affairs, Man of Honor and Take Your Life Back has given them the tools, help and support they need to heal as individuals and as a couple.

We hope you enjoy this amazing true story of Greg and Krista as Anne Bercht interviews them about their affair story, healing journey and what they believe got them to where they are...honored to say they attribute much of their success to Passionate Life Seminars.  We do have an incredible success rate especially if both parties are committed to doing the work and using the tools, support and resources we provide.  The couples that are "all in" and committed to the healing process really can have the happily ever after that everyone desires but believes is impossible after the pain of an affair.

We are thankful for couples like this who want to give back and share their recovery success story.  We believe the best is yet to come from Greg and Krista and we also believe the same thing for you!

Please call our office at 360-306-3367 or email us at info@beyondaffairs.com and let us help you be successful in your affair healing journey.  We know you can do it and we can show you how!

Clients Mike and Cathy Share their Healing from Affairs Experience

May 31, 2017 - Mike and Cathy share their Healing From Affairs Seminar experience

This teleseminar is truly an amazing testimony!  Tammie Waitley, Passionate Life Seminar's Relationship Development Director and Assistant Director of BAN(The Beyond Affairs Network) recently had the privilege of speaking with a couple who had attended one of our Healing from Affairs seminars, which is the couple's intensive seminar weekend, with all of the sessions delivered by Anne and Brian Bercht and supported by their team of coaches and mentors who have also successfully healed from an affair.  These seminars are offered once a quarter and we thought that the best way to share what that experience is like is to hear from a real couple that really attended and is really doing the work.

Mike and Cathy attended their Healing from Affairs Weekend November 2016 and they candidly share what got them there, what tools they learned, what was most meaningful for them and how the 6 follow-up coaching sessions and Mike being a part of Brian's bi-weekly Men's support group (which are included with the seminar) have helped them on the right path of healing after they returned home.

Mike and Cathy's story is real, powerful and incredibly encouraging.  To hear them speak about their pain and the hope and love they have for each other today is truly miraculous.  They have embraced the healing process and done the work and now they are continuing to grow and move forward, even through the ups and downs because they now have tools that really work.  They also share how the communication tools they learned are helping them in other areas of their lives.  They are so thankful to be where they are today and believe one day they will be able to help other couples get on the other side of their pain.  We believe you will thoroughly enjoying hearing their story and about their Healing from Affairs Seminar experience.

If you and your spouse are thinking of attending a Healing from Affairs Seminar NOW is the time...don't wait another day...if Mike and Cathy can do it...so can you!


We believe in you and we can show you how to find total and complete healing as individuals and as a couple.  Join us for our next Healing from Affairs Weekend because your miracle is waiting for you!

Call us today at 360-306-3367 or email us at info@beyondaffairs.com to learn more.

Anne Bercht’s Talk for Infidelity Hurts Awareness Day, May 6, 2017, on Why Affairs Happen

May 6, 2017 - Anne Bercht's Talk on Why Affairs Happen

Affairs devastate husbands and wives, they destroy families and the lives of children and they weaken our nation. There is an evil person in our country who has earned millions of dollars destroying families. His business sports billboards with the slogan “Life is short. Have an affair.” I am dying to create a countering ad campaign with slogans like, “Life is short. Leave a legacy.” “Life is short. Be your wife’s hero.” Or “Life is short. Having an affair will ruin yours.” Or “Having an affair is like trying to keep warm on a cold day by peeing in your pants.” Why do affairs happen and what can you do to prevent it?

Everyone knows they don’t want to be betrayed, that it would be really bad. What only those you have been there grasp just how bad, bad is. You know it would be bad and you think it will never happen to you. Statistics are all over the place when it comes to the question, “What percentage of marriages are affected by affairs?” And no research projects are more wrought with lies than infidelity stats. According to Scott Haltzman in his book The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity, 28-43% of marriages are affected. So in your neighborhood that’s about every third house. So if it isn’t your house, it will be your neighbors, either to the right or the left.

Problems in marriages are not the root causes of affairs and as long as we point our finger of blame on the wrong thing, our problem will continue to grow. It’s like treating malnutrition with diet soda. How many of you want to know the real reason for infidelity and betrayal?

I’m Anne Bercht, author of My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me, Director of BAN (the Beyond Affairs Network) and co-founder of Passionate Life Seminars. Over the past 14 years, I’ve helped thousands of people do the impossible…recover from betrayal. I’m going to show you that affairs happen because of unmet needs. I’m also going to show you that affairs do NOT happen because of unmet needs. For every marriage with problems where there has been an affair, I can show you another marriage with worse problems, where there has not been an affair. So it is not cause and effect. Oh I don’t deny that marriages with problems are more vulnerable to affairs than happy marriages, but affairs happen in good marriages too.

I remember supporting a woman whose husband had had an affair, every 5 years of their 30 year marriage. And every 5 years of their 30 year marriage, they went for marital therapy and in therapy they always discovered what the faithful wife was doing wrong and who she wasn’t meeting her husband’s needs. 5 years into the marriage she wasn’t fit enough, so she joined a gym , got on a healthier eating plan and worked on being fit and sexy. Then 10 years into the marriage, according to their therapist he had an affair because she was giving too much attention to the children and her husband felt neglected. So she paid more attention to him and then 15 years into the marriage it turns out her husband had an affairs because she wasn’t experimental enough in the bedroom...click on the link above to hear the rest of Anne's talk...

Obstacles to Affair Recovery with Anne and Brian Bercht

February 21, 2017 - Teleseminar on obstacles to healing and how to overcome them by Anne and Brian Bercht

This is an amazing teleseminar where Brian and Anne Bercht share the obstacles to affair recovery and more importantly how to overcome these obstacles.  Listen and learn on how to overcome the obstacles you are facing today in your own healing journey whether you are the betrayed or unfaithful.

Some of those obstacles shared during this teleseminar are:

Not Telling Truth – This is about lying about the facts or the evidence or denial.

Solutions: Own up to these! Tell the Truth NOW.

Partial Disclosures – Trickle-Truth. This has to do with making a judgment as to what you think your spouse can handle, or what you think that they need to know.

Solutions: Acknowledge what has been withheld, or what has been judged ‘too big’ to disclose, or what is STILL not been told. You may need to find someone to help you with this like a coach/counselor..  Special Word of Caution: It is highly unlikely that anyone will be able to sit down and spell out the entire affair story, beginning to the end.

Over-Sharing – This comes for the unfaithful person spilling or puking out everything about the affair without being thoughtful or considerate about their spouse.

Solutions: Sadly, one can’t take back the words that have been said, or remove the images that have been shared, or emotions that have been expressed.  The thing needed is acknowledging the wrong and seeking forgiveness. 

Beliefs about Affairs – What gets in the way of healing can be our beliefs in why an affair happens or what affairs mean.

Solutions: Be willing to be objective about your own beliefs.  Listen to our pod-casts and hear what others have shared about their ‘whys' and do some coaching or attending one of our seminars to really learn and understand the truth about why affairs happen.

Beliefs about Staying – The belief that staying in a marriage after a betrayal is a sign of weakness.

Solutions: One will need to combat these negative and harmful thought processes. Identify with those men and women that have successfully recovered and remained happily married.

Lack of Tools – Not having tools and resources that are practical, time tested, measurable, and reliable.

Solutions: Get tools that work. Participate in our Healing From Affairs weekend seminar to pick up your tool kit if you are healing your marriage and Take Your Life Back weekend seminar for betrayed women, whether you are working on your relationship or not as it can take the betrayed longer to heal.

Frantic Fixing – The trauma of discovery/disclosure leads many to rush out and look for anything and everything to help them deal with the pain and fix the problem.

Solutions: Relax, Slow Down, Take a Breath, Quit Hurrying! Then, take time to find out ‘whom’ you are really listening to, and what ‘their’ background is. Find the ones that you relate to and seek out their help. 

Poor Counsel – Listening and following advise from unqualified or unproven sources, be those paid or unpaid.

Solutions: Find a therapist/coach/counselor/mentor that has proven experience in this particular specialty. 

One-sided Work – Often this is about focusing all the work on helping the betrayed spouse to heal, while neglecting or overlooking the work necessary for the unfaithful partner to heal.

Solutions: While it may be necessary for some individual work to occur, it is important and a necessity that both partners to engage in the work of recovery.          

Expectations – These expectations, some reasonable and some unreasonable are often the factors that get in the way of healing. Expectation of where a person should be by this time; expectations of how one should be acting at this time; expectations of how one should feel, respond, engage, talk, share, divulge.

Solutions: Be careful to avoid comparing your situation to others. Set reasonable expectations, ones that are manageable and achievable. 

Time – Healing requires a certain amount of time. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to the length of time needed to heal, only generalities.

Solutions: Set reasonable and measurable time frames.  Get help to figure this out.

The Berchts share about this and much more and end the call with some questions.  Maybe the exact question you have was asked on this teleseminar.

It is our desire to help you overcome the obstacles to affair recovery.  Please call us at 360-306-3367 or email us at info@beyondaffairs.com and let us help you through your process...we can help you avoid these obstacles and find the hope and healing you want and deserve.

How to Survive Christmas After an Affair

So it’s Christmas time and your world is falling apart. Your heart is broken and your world is shattered, and you really have no idea how to survive Christmas after an affair. Take heart! This blog is for you.

I remember going through this myself a number of years ago. There is hope and a future with much joy ahead for you … depending on how you navigate your coming days. You can make it through this! Let me tell you how.

We may not have a choice over what happens to us, but we do have a choice over how we choose to respond to what happens to us.

Chuck Swindoll said, “Life is 10 % what happens to us, and 90% how we choose to respond.”
How did I survive the painful aftermath of my husband’s betrayal and come out happier, wiser, stronger and much more fulfilled on the other side?

I honored the healing process.

First of all, this wasn’t about saving my marriage (although in the beginning I thought it was). This was about saving me. I am only married today because first I chose to give my marriage a chance, and second my husband did the work to grow and change and become a better man. If he had not, I would be divorced, and I still would’ve written a book, and I still would’ve given it the shocking title, My Husband’s Affair BECAME the best thing that ever happened to ME.

I wrote the book, I wish would have had when I found out about my husband’s affair. I knew I had a message the world needed to hear. One of America’s most famous women’s magazines picked up my story and wanted to write an article about me. I needed this free publicity, but there was a huge problem. The editor insisted on fitting my story into her title, “The one thing that saved my marriage was ….”

ONE THING DIDN’T SAVE ME! To be honest, it took 2 seminars, 1.5 years of individual coaching, reading a huge stack of books, hundreds of hours of conversations with my husband, and an attitude that said, “I AM NOT STAYING DOWN!” I could not participate in that article with integrity, so I declined.

You would think everything depended on my husband’s willingness to change. Turns out, instead my victory depended on my willingness to change. And so it is with you! YOUR VICTORY DEPENDS ON YOUR WILLINGNESS TO CHANGE. But change what?

Today, your healing does not need to take nearly as long as it took me, because together with a team of experts we have designed a program just for you that in 3 days can propel you forward in your healing, as much as a year or more of counseling. Why prolong the agony?

Imagine yourself spending 3 days in person, with me, and my awesome team of coaches, ordinary women who have BECOME extraordinary through their own unique healing journeys, and now are there to help you discover the extraordinary woman inside you. You may not believe it now, but she is there.

From the moment you walk in the door, you will be safe and loved. No more need to wear a mask; pretending things are okay when they’re not. We will take you on a journey of transformation, helping you to leave behind all the garbage you’ve had to deal with; all the hurts, the lies, the wounds, the times you were mistreated, and all the painful experiences you didn’t deserve.

We’ll help you to discover what’s right with you, and show you how to tap into strength you didn't know you had.

You will get all your questions answered.

You’ll gain clarity, strength, peace and even some joy back.

You’ll find yourself able to laugh again.

We’ll help you chart a course for your future through all the chaos and confusion, and give you tools to make smart decisions, and to start believing in yourself again.

You’ll leave with a group of friends … who get it, whom you can reach out to in the weeks and months ahead for a word of support and wisdom when you need it. Invaluable!

The group is small so you won’t be lost in a large crowd.

Would it help, even just a little bit, this Christmas season, if you knew that 28 days from today, right after Christmas, you’ll be getting a hug from me in Charleston, South Carolina, answers to all your questions, and the tools you need to navigate the future.

Don’t you deserve some help and support? Exactly so you can go back and give the best, the wisest, the most dignified and happiest version of you to the people you love?

As soon as you register, we will be in touch with you to schedule a pre-seminar personal phone call with me, SO I CAN GET TO KNOW YOU AND YOUR STORY, and get you started on the right track right now.

This program is for betrayed women only, whether you are divorcing, reconciling your marriage, or you have no idea what you’re going to do.

What better Christmas gift could you have than Taking Your Life Back?!!!

Because I care about you,

Anne Bercht
Author of My Husband's Affair Became ...
Co-Founder, Passionate Life Seminars
Director, BAN, Beyond Affairs Network

Program dates: January 14 - 16, 2017 in Charleston, SC



Don’t delay. This program has limited spaces and fills fast. We often have to turn people away – SO RESERVE YOUR SPOT TODAY!


How to survive the holidays after an affair by Anne and Brian Bercht

December 5, 2016 - Teleseminar on how to survive the holidays after an affair by Anne and Brian Bercht

Anne and Brian Bercht share key concepts on how to survive the holidays after an affair, especially if you an your spouse are trying to stay together.  How should you handle Christmas gifts?  How do you handle telling and being around family?  What should you do to make sure your children's holidays aren't tarnished?  Is it a good idea to put the affair recovery on hold for the holidays?  Based on their personal experience and after working with hundreds of couples, they share tangible ideas of how to survive and hopefully thrive through the holidays.

The end of the teleseminar is opened up for questions from the audience and maybe the question you have been wanting to ask them is answered.  We want to help you find hope in the holidays after an affair, whether you are healing your marriage or not, and help you find joy in this special season, even when you are hurting.  Please know that you are not alone and you don't have to go through the holidays suffering, please email us at info@beyondaffairs.com or call us at 360-306-3367 and we'd love to help you this holiday season.