Best Books For Dealing With An Affair – Improving Your Life – Improving Your Marriage
Highly recommended by the Beyond Affairs Network and those who have personally recovered from affairs!
“I believe in you and your ability to think for yourself. One of the biggest keys to healing from affairs is educating yourself about affairs. Knowledge is power. The more you understand the more healed you’ll be. As you read take what works for you and disregard the rest. This is your healing journey.” – Anne Bercht
A comprehensive short list of best books for dealing with an affair, highly recommended by members of BAN – Beyond Affairs Network Affair Recovery Support Group members.
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How-To Guides For Recovering From Affairs
Other Helpful Books For Recovering From Infidelity
Relationships And Marriage
Sadness And Depression
Are You Walking On Eggshells In Your Marriage?
Help For Marriages In Crisis
Improving Communication & Understanding
Being Your Best Self & Getting The Most out of Your Life
Just click on the Book Cover of any book below
Love Must Be Tough : New Hope for Families in Crisis
This is the best book I’ve seen that shows you how to get your spouse to break ties with the 3rd party.
Feeling Good : The New Mood Therapy
We recommend this book to most people recovering from affairs. One of the hardest things is finding ways to deal with your negative, depressing and obsessive thoughts – whether you are the unfaithful or the betrayed.
Personal Stories of Healing From Affairs
Beyond Affairs – Peggy Vaughan
After seven years, James came clean and ended his affairs. James and Peggy wrote this book together providing about 50/50 insight into both sides. I read this book in one day. I couldn’t put it down. It provides profound insight into the mind of the betrayer, and the subtle deceptions that lead a man who believes this is wrong, to make it okay with himself.
First Aid for the Betrayed: Recovering from the Devastation of an Affair; A Personal Guide to Healing
by Richard Alan
Written to betrayed spouses, by a man who has been there, this is a practical guide to help you take the first right steps towards recovery. It is a bit graphic in a few places, but in my experience, when you are there, you want the truth and you feel “just tell it to me like it is.” This book does that. See Richard Alan’s own website: www.firstaidforaffairs.com
Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage
Written by a Christian woman who had an affair. Excellent insight into understanding why people have affairs, and how to protect your marriage against future affairs.
Marriage Undercover: Thriving in a Culture of Quiet Desperation
Bob and Audrey were strong Christians with a television ministry when Audrey had an affair, and became pregnant from her affair partner. This is a powerful story of reconciliation. Some of the passages written by her husband Bob could’ve been written by me. This book is very Christian, so not a good choice for someone of a different faith or no faith.
How-to Guides for Recovering from Affairs
The Monogamy Myth: A Personal Handbook for Dealing with Affairs
One of the best, most balanced, most practical books to inform you and help you to recover, written by someone who has lived through this. Author Peggy Vaughan was the original founder of BAN – Beyond Affairs Network
NOT “Just Friends” : Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
This is definitely one of the best books ever written on the topic. After years of research and personal work helping others recover, Shirley Glass remains one of the most highly esteemed experts on affairs.
Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On — Together or Apart
This is one of the most sound, sensible, helpful, balanced and complete guides to recovery for couples and individuals. If you could afford only one “how-to” resource, I recommend this one.
Torn Asunder: Recovering From Extramarital Affairs
Written by a pastor with 30 years of experience helping couples to recover from affairs. Also one of my top picks for recovery. This book offers practical recovery help to both spouses, and will help you whether you choose to stay in the marriage or not. Either way you need to heal.
Torn Asunder Workbook: Recovering from Extramarital Affairs
Also one of my top picks for recovery from affairs. The workbook is very good, and is an excellent option for couples who can’t afford counseling, seminars or prefer not to go that route. The questions will help you to understand each other and your marriage better and provide constructive discussion openers and practical exercises to help you both in your healing journey.
Infidelity: A Survival Guide by David Lusterman
This is a very sensible and helpful book on healing from infidelity based on Don-David Lusterman’s years of experience as a therapist. It offers help for the person who has had the affair in helping them to know what do do to rebuild the marriage, as well as help for the betrayed spouse and perspective for family members and friends sincerely wishing to support a couple through healing.
Surviving an Affair by Willard Harley
Other Helpful Books for Recovering From Infidelity
Love Is A Choice : The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships
Love is a Choice Workbook : Recovery for codependent relationships (Minirth-Meier Clinic Series)
Although this book set deals with codependent relationships, not affairs specifically, the vast majority of couples are surprised to discover their codependent tendencies. Getting rid of them is very freeing.
The Passion Trap: Where Is Your Relationship Going? by Dean C. Delis, PhD
Relationships & Marriage
Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
This is a must-read for every married couple. I cried through much of this book, because it’s the only book I’ve ever read, that I felt had I read it before my husband’s affair, it may have contributed to preventing it in the first place. The truth this author has discovered is profound. The way he presents it makes it easy to grasp.
His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
This is a great book on relationships, only I think the author should rename it “His Needs, Her Needs: The ABC’s of relationships. (My personal opinion.) It is deceptive to believe that by perfectly meeting your spouses needs you can control your spouses behavior and prevent them from having an affair. In my experience, both personally and professionally, unmet needs in a marriage is not always the reason behind affairs, and believing so leaves the responsibility for the affair on the faithful spouse instead of with the unfaithful spouse where it belongs. I recommend this book highly. Just read it in context. I caution betrayed spouses from going into Super Need-Meeter mode to be sure an affair never happens again. This is neither a happy, nor fair, nor realistic way to live.
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It by Steven Stosney
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by John Gray
Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy by Gary Thomas
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
Seven Desires: Looking Past What Separates Us to Learn What Connects Us by Mark & Debra Laaser
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last by John Gottman
Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America’s Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship by John Gottman
The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are by Kevin Leman
Sadness & Depression – Making Sense of Life’s Unfair Circumstances
Feeling Good : The New Mood Therapy by Dr. David Burns
We recommend this book to most people recovering from affairs. One of the hardest things is finding ways to deal with your negative, depressing and obsessive thoughts.
Battlefield of the Mind: Winning the Battle in Your Mind by Joyce Meyer
Healing for Damaged Emotions – David A. Seamands
A very helpful book, written from a Christian perspective.
Are You Walking on Eggshells in Your Marriage?
Love Without Hurt: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One by Steven Stosney
To find out if you are walking on eggshells and to what degree, you can take a quick and free assessment from Steven Stosney’s excellent website compassionpower.com
Forgive for Good by Dr. Fred Luskin
Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again by Michelle Weiner Davis
The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage by Michelle Weiner Davis
The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships by John Gottman
So Long, Insecurity: You’ve Been a Bad Friend to Us by Beth Moore
Men’s Sexual Health: Fitness for Satisfying Sex by Metz & McCarthy
The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple’s Guide by Michelle Weiner Davis
The Sex-Starved Wife: What to Do When He’s Lost Desire
Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnaarch
Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel
Living With Your Husband’s Secret Wars – Marsha Means
This book is intended for women whose husbands struggle with pornography addictions.
Improving Communication & Understanding
The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong & Loving Marriage
If effective communication is a challenge in your marriage, this is a powerful and practical resource. Communication struggles that can seem so complex and insurmountable are clearly resolved. Author, Susan Heitler, PH.D. has done a sensational job of making something usually so hard to grasp, simple, easy and straight forward. I was astonished reading it. The principles my husband and I developed in healing our own marriage are here clearly laid out. If we had had this resource during our affair recovery time, our healing time would’ve been greatly expedited. Susan shows you how to disagree, agreeably. Remarkable job explaining what every couple needs to know about communication.
The One Minute Millionaire: The Enlightened Way to Wealth – Hansen
If you are facing divorce, and unprepared financially to manage, there is probably much more hope than you imagine. This book has helped many of my clients to begin to create an income, when doing so seemed impossible. A woman loses her husband, and her wealthy father-in-law sets out to have her children taken from her as well, saying she’s an unfit mother. He has money and power on his side. Find out how she beats him … and learn be inspired to start thinking outside the box too. There is hope yet!
Being Your Best Self & Getting the Most Out of Your Life
There comes a time in every persons journey when you need to take a break from heavy thinking about the affair and focus on thinking more positively. Here’s some books that can help you.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People : Powerful Lessons in Personal Change – Covey
You’d be surprised how much help for surviving affairs is in this book. Learn how to change what you can, and leave behind what you can’t and how to tell the difference. Part of the journey to healing from affairs is personal growth. You’re never going to be the same again, so you might as well become better. Bitter or better the choice is yours. This book will help you to get better.
The Greatest Salesman in the World – Mandino
This is not a book about selling. It is very good and probably one of my favorite books ever. It teaches you how to live and get what you want out of life.
The Greatest Miracle in the World- Mandino
If you doubt your own value you need to read this book.
The Choice by Og Mandino
The Secret: The Power by Rhonda Byrne
Living Without Losing by Don Polston
Life Is Tremendous by Charlie Jones
The Tongue: A Creative Force (Paperback) by Charles Capps