July 22, 2009 – When the wife cheats – 2 couples candidly share their stories
Kim and Mike’s Story – When the wife cheats
Kim: Mike and I have been married 15 years tomorrow. We were 19 and 20. We considered ourselves to have had a good marriage. Sure there were bumps, but it seemed normal. We had small kids, and were a church going family. I would never have imagined this could ever have happened to me.
Mike: I envisioned a lot of different things that could happen in our marriage, but an affair was not it.
Kim: My affair happened 9 years ago. One of the things that I discovered as a result of attending Healing from Affairs; We went through the list of vulnerabilities that you provided for us, and it really was enlightening. At the time my affair started, I was working in the evenings and Mike worked in the day. We were two ships passing in the night, and my affair was with a co-worker. I chose to end my affair and put all my energy into healing the marriage. Mike never knew. I kept my affair hidden.
Brian: How did you cope with what you had done and why it happened? Were there things you were telling yourself?
Kim: I was not coping well. I had messages that I played in my head over and over, which went: “I hate myself. I hate myself.” Because I could not have imagined that I had done this. I was somewhat successful in putting the marriage back together, and I kept my lie for the next 5 – 7 years. I can’t remember now.
Brian: Mike had no idea what had happened, and your marriage was going fairly good before you confessed?
Mike: Yes, we had a good marriage at that time. It was fine. We were happily married.
Kim: So I had convinced myself that I could live with this.
Brian: So how did it all unfold for you? When/Why did you confess to Mike?
Kim: I had very strong faith. We had had an interesting experience with people who had spoken into our lives, saying there was trouble ahead for our marriage, but we would be okay. After that, one night, I believe Mike said to me something like, “I want to be close to God, even if it would take something extreme like cancer to get me there.” So I said, “what if it was a person?” Mike didn’t understand my meaning. Then I confessed my affair. Similar to Anne, Mike put his hand on my head and said I forgive you, but I knew from reading Anne’s book that this was not forgiveness, and that the road ahead would not be easy.
Find out the rest of Mike & Kim’s story, and another couples story as well by clicking on the audio link above!