Dealing with Obsessive Thoughts
Michelle: My question is how do you stop the endless running of the affair tape that plays in your head. What are strategies for dealing with the obsessive thoughts? All I think about is his affair. It is almost a year and it just will not stop.
Sarah: Is an affair a type of addiction? How does an affair differ from sexual addiction? What if the affair is with multiple partners?
Claudia: My husband admitted to having multiple affairs during our 34 years of marriage . He often says that i am the one who dug up the grave and found out by pressuring and reading his diary. I don’t know how to trust him as he has been engaged in sexual activity with these women secretly for a 27-year period of our marriage and I didn’t find out about it until 2012. I have been to counseling, but he is not interested. He blames me for not loving and accepting him. We often argue about the infidelity and he wants me to forgive him and let go and move on with the marriage. He often becomes angry when i bring up the issue or ask a question about the issue. I am very uncomfortable in the marriage. We are putting on a front to the outside world. I really don’t know what to do.
Janice: My husband and I separated last year from May-October, he came home and said he was ready to work on our marriage, etc. We did nothing because he had a lot of “work stress” and we needed to get thru some of that before we tackled our marriage. I just found out in February that he continued an affair with an employee when I stopped by his office and she was sure to let me know. In front of her, my husband pledged his love for her and said he wanted a divorce, something he hasn’t told me in private. He is carrying on with her now and still living with me and our son. What do I do in this situation? I want my marriage to work and I am not filing for divorce just to please them. I wish he would attend your seminar. I’ve started reading the book The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage and incorporating some of the steps. He is so cold with me most days and I hate that because I feel that I am a good wife (not perfect) but he didn’t truly tell me what he was missing out of his marriage and now this OW seems to meet all of that for him. My question: How should I act towards him when everyone tells me to be cold, throw his stuff out and file for divorce? I know that will anger him and push him further. He hasn’t moved out for a reason and its not financial.
Debbie: I would love to know if you can stay married if you never get the whole truth. It’s been 27 years. But last d day was 2 months ago.
Debbie: Do you stay because of the kids and grandkids and play like your happy? Or do you get out and be happy because your fears won’t matter?
Debbie: What does it really take to believe you have been told the truth and find peace with it so you can heal? What does it take to just get the truth and you know it is the truth.