Betrayed Spouses

Betrayed Spouses Ask Questions from the Experts

February 24, 2010 – Healing from Affairs Question & Answer Session. All questions were from betrayed spouses. Many of them, their unfaithful spouses were not doing the right things to help heal the marriage, and some were working to heal alone.

Mary: I’ve been dealing with this for 4 years now, and it’s not getting any better. I’m okay one day, and the next day I’m not. I’m back and forth, some days I want to heal my marriage and sometimes I don’t. My husband doesn’t talk. It’s like he wants me to see and hear his pain, and I don’t. What should I do?

Joan: My husband is completely almost forgotten about this other person – except he has to deal with her because of visitation (affair child). My husband is fine. But I’m not. If we never had to deal with the child’s mother I’d be fine. It’s been 18 months. The other woman tried to be my best friend 4 years ago. But I had a feeling something was wrong. I’m worried about what other people are thinking about me. The other woman is fabricating stories about what actually happen. How do I let go and move forward?

Roma: My disclosure was about 18 months ago. My problem letting go is the details about the affair, I have since found out. My husband brought the other woman into our home. He brought the other woman to our child’s baptism. I am in a tough situation. I haven’t worked in a long time. We live overseas. He threatens me if I leave. I will be stuck overseas. I have to be with our children, and I have to have this other woman in our family. I have no choice to leave. What should I do? How can I get better?

Debbie: My situation is about a year now. I found out my husband has an affair child 7 years old. We’ve been married for 20 years. He denied it for 6 months and finally admitted it. One of the worst things is my husband’s attitude. He is not sorry. That’s what makes it so difficult. I am healing alone. Our situation is just under the carpet. I am giving in, because of my Christian beliefs. When I tried to talk to my husband, I feel like a nagging person. I know my husband is very difficult, but I’m really trying. How do I get past it?

Valerie: When are your next Take Your Life Back seminars scheduled for?

Pat: Can you talk about whether individual counseling simultaneously with marriage counseling is a wise choice? We felt it might be counterproductive.

Vicki: My husband had an affair that carried on for about 5 months and then he decided to leave me and marry his affair partner. This is my 2nd divorce, so obviously this has done nothing for my self-esteem. Is it abnormal to love and still be in love with my husband in spite of his decisions? I’m at odds with myself. My mind tells me logically, that I should let go, and that I should believe him that our marriage is over. My heart won’t let me let go. I yearn to attend one of your Healing from Affairs weekends, but my husband won’t come. My heart yearns to restore our marriage.