A review of Part 1
Four things to know, understand, and follow before the 6 keys:
- The person who has been unfaithful cannot minimize the details of the affair. So do not minimize your answers to your spouse’s questions. There is only one way to hurt your spouse further at this point and that is by “minimizing” (which is lying) when you claim you are telling the truth.
- The betrayed partner needs to watch their reactions. Don’t make rash decisions based upon the emotions of the moment.
- Avoid therapists that try to prevent you from talking about the affair.
- To the unfaithful: Don’t blame your spouse for your affair … unless you asked them for permission to have an affair and they gave it to you. That will not lead to healing.
A review of the first keys to affair recovery discussed in Part 1:
Key #1 – Gain understanding about why and how you and your spouse are different.
Newsflash!!! Your spouse doesn’t think the same as you. Your spouse doesn’t react the same as you. There may even be little you agree on. If we don’t understand our different values, then we misread our spouses intentions. Without considering and understanding these differences, we will get side-tracked in our recovery.
Key #2 – The person who had the affair needs to learn why they had an affair/s
– the root issues, not the things they usually think are the reasons initially. We have worked with more than 1000 couples, and I’ve yet to find an unfaithful spouse where it was just one thing. There are multiple layers to this. Both the betrayed and the betrayer need to understand the “why” in order for healing to take place. The affair/s is not about the betrayed spouse. When you understand why a person has the affair, it helps you to know what needs to happen in the future to ensure it doesn’t happen again.
Key #3 – Communication as a couple must be improved. To survive an affair, couples must engage in some of the most difficult and honest discussions they’ve ever had. Even if you come into this with good communication skills (which most couples don’t have), tweaking and improving communication skills is an important foundation. Couples need ground rules. Communication, whether verbal or non-verbal is so important to the healing process, and learning how to do it in a way that his not harmful to the relationship.
Excellent tools to master the 6 keys to affair recovery are skills gained by couples who attend the Healing from Affairs weekend. We cannot over emphasize the value of an intensive weekend like this to the recovery process.
Click on the audio link above to listen to this audio seminar now!