If you and your spouse are serious about healing your marriage after an affair, click on the audio link above. This tele seminar is a must!
Before we get going we need to discuss the pre-recovery period. For the betrayed spouse the first 3 to 6 months is a time of trauma. There is no quick fix for surviving an affair.
You are both facing some of the most important decisions of your life. You need to distance yourselves (time wise) from some of the initial emotions. You just need to stabilize and get through the first 3 months somehow.
Is giving your marriage a chance a good idea?
More than 40 years of research out of the University of Chicago has shown that couples who stay married happily have better health, better feelings of overall well-being, greater wealth, more career success, their kids do better, etc., and so it is worth it not to make a knee-jerk reaction and end the marriage. If there is a glimmer of hope for your relationship, that is something to be taken seriously.
Affair recovery experts will tell you that it takes a minimum of 2 years to heal. But we have seen couples heal in as little as a year. We’ve also found a common denominator among these couples; they were the ones that found us very early on in recovery.
We’ve discovered that at the end of the day, it is not the affair itself that does the greatest damage to the relationship (and we do not say this lightly), but rather it is all the things that husbands and wives say and do after disclosure that does the greatest damage to the relationship.
To the betrayed, before you do something radical, like go out and spend all your money on a giant billboard that says, “my spouse’s name is a cheater.” You may want to talk to someone first. Hurtful actions can cause further damage to your already very damaged relationship.
To the unfaithful: You’ve got to tell the full truth. Do not minimize. You may thing telling your spouse that the affair was 6 months long, when really it was a year, would hurt your spouse less. Nothing could be further from the truth. You’ve already hurt them as much as one human being can hurt another. There is only one way you can hurt them worse at this point, and that’s by lying (minimizing) when you claim to be telling the truth.