THE ANGER DIET (How To Be Calm, Balanced and Positive, No Matter What's Going on)

Dear Beyond Affairs website readers ... I came across this article this past week, and I thought it would be helpful for many of you. Everyone deals with anger at times ... especially when you have been wronged in such an unjust way as the betrayal of the one you love the most. I thought it was such a good article, that I asked the author for permission to reprint it hear for all of you. I hope you find it helpful. - Anne

Everyone wants to be beautiful, young, healthy and fit. There is no end to available diets and workouts. Yet the most important diet has been overlooked. This is a diet that releases stress, lets you sleep soundly at night, reduces cravings, makes you feel young and brings wonderful possibilities into your life. This is a diet that gets rid of the number one toxin that destroys well-being – anger.

Road rage, school shootings, depression, workplace violence, addiction and even the national obesity epidemic are manifestations of this great problem gripping our society. Anger has many faces. It appears in various forms and creates different consequences. Anger that is overt is the simplest to deal with and understand. Unfortunately, however, most anger lurks beneath the surface. As it often does not come to our awareness, it manifests in endless, hidden ways. – as depression, anxiety, apathy, hopelessness, among others.

Today we fear all kinds of external enemies. It is not so easy to realize, however, that the worse enemy we face is the anger that resides within us, the terror it causes and the ways this poison affects so much of our lives. It is one thing to be told to calm down, or to forgive one another. It is another to know how to do this. Even though we may want to forgive, anger can keep arising, disrupting our body, mind and spirits.

However, there are many specific steps we can take to root this toxin out of our lives. As we do the results will be reflected not only in our mental and emotional well-being, but also in our environment and physical health. Love and forgiveness arise naturally and our lives and relationships become all they are meant to be.

Some of The 24 Forms of Anger –

The first step in rooting anger out of our lives is to become aware of it. It is crucial that we recognize the many ways in which anger camouflages itself. When anger is allowed to remain camouflaged and hidden it holds us in its grip. By recognizing the different forms of anger, we begin the important step of replacing each one with a healthy antidote, and thus letting it go. As we do this, it is easy to see that anger is a choice we make. By choosing to replace our angry responses with life giving, constructive ones we can stop it on the spot.

To begin, let us look at a few of the 24 forms of anger, and how they affect our lives. We will also see some ways these forms of anger can be eliminated.

1. Straightforward Anger – Attack.This is anger that is clear-cut and easy to recognize. The anger comes right out. Many regret it afterwards, feeling they couldn’t control themselves. This kind of anger has a life of its own; it rises like a flash storm and can easily turn into verbal, emotional or physical abuse.

2. Hypocrisy – You are angry, but hide it beneath a smile and present a false persona, pretending to be someone you’re not. This behavior evolves into bad faith of all kinds. Although you think you are fooling others, in truth you are losing yourself and your own self-respect.

3. Depression – Depression is so pervasive these days, and it ranges the gamut from mild to severe. Depression is anger and rage turned against oneself. It comes from not being able to identify or appropriately express the anger one is feeling. It then simply turns into depressions, attack against the person who is experiencing it.

4. Passive Aggression – This is a form of anger expressed not by what we do but by what we do not do. We refuse to give the other person what they ask for, want or need. In this manner we anger the other while making it seem as though they are the one that is overly demanding. This is a way of expressing anger without taking responsibility for it, and blaming the other for what we have set in motion.

Steps To Dissolving Anger

Needless to say there are many specific steps to take to undo different forms of anger. We will offer some samples. The important point to realize is that anger can be dissolved in a moment. We can choose to see things differently. We can choose to make a different response.

It takes only a moment to escalate a situation and in that same moment, the trouble can be de-escalated. We must stop in the middle of automatic anger that arises, and take charge of what is going on. We can and must decide that we will not let anger take over and rule. We have the right and responsibility to choose how we will respond.

Sample Ways To De-Escalate Anger:

1. Straightforward Attack: Stop in the middle of a situation in which you either feel angry or are being attacked. Expand your vistas. Rather than respond in a knee-jerk manner, say to yourself, “Like me, this person has suffered. Like me, this person wants to be happy, like me this person experiences loneliness and loss.” As you do this, you are recognizing the similarities and common humanity you share, rather than focus on the differences. For a moment, allow the person to be right. You have plenty of time to be right later. Ask yourself, what is more important to you, to be “right” or to be free of anger? Choose compassion and see how you feel. See how the other feels as well. Watch new vistas open in your life.

2. Hypocrisy: This is a common form of anger that appears in many different ways. When you notice yourself pretending, lying, exaggerating or deceiving, stop. Tell the truth at that moment. Be the truth. If you do not know what the truth is, be silent and become aware of what the deepest truth is for you. (This does not mean pouring out negativity or blaming the other. It means taking responsibility for what is real and true for you. (This will not only restore good will, it will connect you with what is most meaningful in your life.)

3. Depression: Make friends with yourself today. When we are depressed, we are rejecting, hating and blaming ourselves. Undo this false state of mind. Find five things you admire and respect about who you are. Focus on sharing your good qualities with another. In depression we are only absorbed with ourselves. A wonderful antidote is to become absorbed with how you can reach out to and help another.

As we root anger out of our lives, and find meaningful substitutions not only our lives but the lives of our loved ones, friends and acquaintances will be lifted and enhanced. Try the full anger diet and see.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Psychologist, relationship expert, speaker and author Dr. Shoshanna has a therapy practice in Manhattan. This article is based upon her most recent book, The Anger Diet (30 Days To Stress Free Living).www.theangerdiet.com. A national speaker, workshop leader, and long time student and practitioner of meditation, she provides psychological and spiritual guidance for building healthy relationships and becoming all you are meant to be. Other books include Zen and the Art of Falling in Love, Zen Miracles, Save Your Relationship, and Living By Zen. In addition Dr Shoshanna is a frequent guest on radio and TV, and runs workshops for couples on working through difficulty and renewing their love. http://www.brendashoshanna.com. Reach her at topspeaker@yahoo.co

For information about confidential coaching with Brian or Anne click here.

If you would like to share a success story, helpful insight or comment on this article we welcome your remarks. Email your questions or comments to Brian and/or Anne info@beyondaffairs.com .

(Due to the large volume of emails we receive, we cannot answer all emails, but we care about every person who contacts us and will do our best to respond personally to you.)

To read more articles